13 Things Mentally Strong People and Parents Don't Do – advice by Amy Morin

For only $2.99 you can get the fantastic book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do". Click here to buy the digital book on Amazon.

Even if you have zero interest in "self-help", this empathic book by psychotherapist Amy Morin offers extremely constructive advice on how to deal with challenges and disappointments.

I recommend getting it now, before the price goes back to the usual $16.99.

"Take back your power, embrace change, face your fears, and train your brain for happiness and success."

1. They Don't Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves.

You don't see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they've been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. They Don't Give Away Their Power.

Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. They Don't Shy Away from Change.

Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear," if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. They Don't Waste Energy on Things They Can't Control.

Mentally strong people don't complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. They Don't Worry About Pleasing Others.

Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. They Don't Fear Taking Calculated Risks.

A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. They Don't Dwell on the Past.

There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. They Don't Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over.

We all know the definition of insanity, right? It's when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we've gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. They Don't Resent Other People's Success.

It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people's success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don't become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. They Don't Give Up After Failure.

Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. They Don't Fear Alone Time.

Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don't depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. They Don't Feel the World Owes Them Anything.

Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. They Don't Expect Immediate Results.

Whether it's a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time.

If you are a parent, also get her other very useful title "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do".

"Raising self-assured children and training their brains for a life of happiness, meaning, and success."

1. They Don't Condone A Victim Mentality

Getting cut from the soccer team or failing a class doesn't make your child a victim. Rejection, failure, and unfairness are part of life. Rather than allow kids to host pity parties or exaggerate their misfortune, mentally strong parents encourage their children to turn their struggles into strength. They help them identify ways in which they can take positive action, despite their circumstances.

2. They Don't Parent Out Of Guilt

Guilty feelings can lead to a long list of unhealthy parenting strategies — like giving in to your child after you've said no or overindulging your child on the holidays. Mentally strong parents know that although guilt is uncomfortable, it's tolerable. They refuse to let their guilty feelings get in the way of making wise choices.

3. They Don't Make Their Child The Center Of The Universe

It can be tempting to make your life revolve around your child. But kids who think they're the center of the universe grow up to be self-absorbed and entitled. Mentally strong parents teach their kids to focus on what they have to offer the world — rather than what they're owed.

4. They Don't Allow Fear To Dictate Their Choices

Keeping your child inside a protective bubble could spare you a lot of anxiety. But keeping kids too safe stunts their development. Mentally strong parents view themselves as guides, not protectors. They allow their kids to go out into the world and experience life, even when it's scary to let go.

5. They Don't Give Their Child Power Over Them

Kids who dictate what the family is going to eat for dinner, or those who orchestrate how to spend their weekends, have too much power.  Becoming more like an equal — or even the boss — isn't healthy for kids. Mentally strong parents empower kids to make appropriate choices while maintaining a clear hierarchy.

6. They Don't Expect Perfection

High expectations are healthy, but expecting too much from kids will backfire. Mentally strong parents recognize that their kids are not going to excel at everything they do. Rather than push their kids to be better than everyone else, they focus on helping them become the best versions of themselves.

7. They Don't Let Their Child Avoid Responsibility

You won't catch a mentally strong parent saying things like, “I don't want to burden my kids with chores. Kids should just be kids.” They expect children to pitch in and learn the skills they need to become responsible citizens. They proactively teach their kids to take responsibility for their choices and they assign them age-appropriate duties.

8. They Don't Shield Their Child From Pain

It's tough to watch kids struggle with hurt feelings or anxiety. But, kids need practice and first-hand experience tolerating discomfort. Mentally strong parents provide their kids with the support and help they need coping with pain so their kids can gain confidence in their ability to deal with whatever hardships life throws their way.

9. They Don't Feel Responsible For Their Child's Emotions

It can be tempting to cheer your kids up when they're sad or calm them down when they're angry. But, regulating your kids' emotions for them prevents them from gaining social and emotional skills. Mentally strong parents teach their children how to be responsible for their own emotions so they don't depend on others to do it for them.

10. They Don't Prevent Their Child From Making Mistakes

Whether your child gets a few questions wrong on his math homework or he forgets to pack his cleats for soccer practice, mistakes can be life's greatest teacher. Mentally strong parents let their kids mess up — and they allow them to face the natural consequences of their actions.

11. They Don't Confuse Discipline With Punishment

Punishment is about making kids suffer for their wrongdoing. Discipline is about teaching them how to do better in the future. And while mentally strong parents do give out consequences, their ultimate goal is to teach kids to develop the self-discipline they'll need to make better choices down the road.

12. They Don't Take Shortcuts To Avoid Discomfort

Giving in when a child whines or doing your kids' chores for them, is fast and easy. But, those shortcuts teach kids unhealthy habits. It takes mental strength to tolerate discomfort and avoid those tempting shortcuts.

13. They Don't Lose Sight Of Their Values

In today's fast-paced world it's easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day business of homework, chores, and sports practices. Those hectic schedules — combined with the pressure to look like parent of the year on social media —cause many people to lose sight of what's really important in life. Mentally strong parents know their values and they ensure their family lives according to them.

Steve Pavlina about trying something and "connecting the dots"

Here's a very inspiring text by self development author Steve Pavlina, about how we never know what knowledge and skills we'll find use for later. If you like it, follow him on Google+ or Twitter, and check out his free and extensive website.

Connecting The Dots

During his 2005 Stanford commencement address, Steve Jobs told a story about connecting the dots. He noted that sometimes we can't predict how we'll be able to apply our knowledge and skills later in life. For instance, Steve learned about calligraphy at Reed College, with "no hope of practical application." Years later, he used this knowledge to include advanced typography and proportionally spaced fonts in the design of the Mac's operating system.

Steve said that he couldn't have predicted this outcome in advance, but 10 years later he was able to connect these dots looking backwards. By then the long-term value of that calligraphy class was obvious.


Follow Your Intuition

Another point he stressed during that speech was that in order to set yourself up for connecting the dots, you must follow your intuition. When he first enrolled at Reed College, he had to take required courses that didn't interest him. Then he dropped out and sat in on classes that truly interested him for another 18 months. To choose these classes, he followed his intuition.

When I was 10 years old, I was exposed to my first glimpse of BASIC programming. At the time I didn't know what intuition was, but I became very interested in computers. I used to save up my money to buy programming books at the bookstore. One of my favorites when I was 13 was Dr. C. Wacko's Miracle Guide to Designing and Programming Your Own Atari Computer Arcade Games.

I had no idea where this would lead. I didn't set out to become a programmer. I was simply motivated by curiosity and wonder.

I ended up learning to program computer games before I'd really had a chance to play many of them. Most of the early games I played required typing in BASIC programs by hand. Then I could run those programs and play the games. Since I had the source code, I was able to learn how simple games were constructed. I'd try to imagine how the game would work while I was typing in the code. Since I couldn't type very well, I picked up a lot of early game programming techniques by typing in other people's code one line at a time. I learned to type in BASIC long before I learned to type in English.

I had no idea that years later I'd be writing my own computer games and selling them to people all around the world. All I knew at the time was that I was very curious about programming, and I wanted to learn more.

I went to college and picked up degrees in computer science and mathematics, but on a practical level those were largely worthless. I was already working on my first commercial game project while I was still in college, and it was selling in software stores like Comp USA shortly after I graduated. I was able to do this work because of what I learned between ages 10 and 18 on my own. I gained more practical value from Dr. Wacko's book than I ever did in college. I went to college for logical reasons, but the payoff came from following my intuition.

I don't think it's always true that we can never connect the dots looking forward. I was able to do that with public speaking. I expected I'd eventually start doing my own workshops, and so I made a commitment to learn public speaking. I practiced for 5 years before I did my first 3-day workshop. I could see that coming up from many years in advance. It was a predictable outcome.

I still agree with Steve Jobs that sometimes we can only connect the dots with the benefit of hindsight. Life has many twists and turns, and we don't always know where our paths will lead.

I believe the core lesson here is how important it is to follow your curiosity. This is a bit different than the advice to do what you love. How do you know you'll love something if you've never done it before?

I doubt Steve Jobs knew in advance that he'd enjoy typography. I didn't know in advance that I'd enjoy programming. But the curiosity to try it was there.


Let Curiosity Be Enough

When only curiosity is present, it's tempting to demand that it justify itself with the promise of practical value. But curiosity doesn't work that way. We begin with a desire to explore and experience something new, but it's merely a seed. We can't predict what will become of that seed until we plant it.

These seeds may grow into fountains of value years later. Or they may remain side hobbies or casual interests. Demanding advance validation from these seeds is like telling to baby to go out and get a job. You have to nurture the seed for years to see what becomes of it.

Recently I decided to follow my curiosity without knowing where it will lead. I've been feeling the urge to refresh my programming skills since I haven't done any serious programming in about a decade. I don't have any specific projects lined up. I just felt an intuitive nudge about it.

So this weekend I started playing around with Xcode, a development tool for the Mac, iPhone, and iPad. I learned the syntax of Objective-C and went through several online tutorials. I wrote my first little iPhone/iPad app to draw a fractal and posted a picture of it on my Google+ page. I'd never written an iPhone app before, so it was rewarding to do that for the first time. It was easier than I expected.

Where will this lead? I have no idea. Maybe I'll write an app that ties into my personal growth work. Maybe it will remain a side hobby. Or maybe I'll lose interest within a week or two and explore other interests. I'm not demanding any sort of payoff from this. It's enough to honor my curiosity.

Partly I feel that the excitement is in not knowing where this will lead. Sometimes it's nice to enjoy some mystery in life. Not all desires can be formed into goals.

When I pursue interests out of sheer curiosity, they do often lead to valuable connections and payoffs down the road. However, there's also a powerful present moment benefit to such pursuits. When you follow your curiosity, you can experience some potent psychological rewards along the way. First, you have the pleasurable anticipation of knowing that you're going to learn something new, and secondly you have the satisfaction that comes with each new insight. This helps you feel good in general, even when you're not pursuing that particular interest, and this can greatly improve overall quality of life.

What are you curious about? What would you like to learn just because it interests you?

Have you been demanding that a curiosity-based interest justify its place in your life, such as by guaranteeing a financial payoff?

What would happen if you could dive in and pursue a new interest merely to satisfy your curiosity and honor your intuition? Could you let that be enough?

Years down the road, you may indeed find that you can connect the dots, just as Steve Jobs did. But for right now, could you let go of any psychological baggage and do it just because it might be interesting in the moment?


Go

There's no need to overcommit. If it doesn't work out, you can drop it after a day or two. There's no need to turn it into a long-term goal. There's no need to expect any particular level of performance from yourself. You don't even have to be good at it.

In fact, you don't even have to love it. All you need is curiosity. You can always dump it if you truly hate it, but why not give it a try just for the sake of learning and experiencing something that calls to you?

When you pursue a new interest, don't worry about plotting a course. Don't worry about not knowing where to begin. Start with a Google search to find some web pages about your hobby. Read those, follow some links, and bookmark pages that seem interesting. After an hour you'll have plenty of resources to get you started.

What new interest could you pursue out of sheer curiosity? Why not set aside some time to look into it? How does next weekend sound?

(From Steve Pavlina's "Personal Development Insights Newsletter" #46, not published on his website.)

Steve Pavlina about the connection between money and social skills

In edition #42 of Steve Pavlina's "Personal Development Insights" newsletter, he wrote about the connection between money and social skills - namely that financial struggles can be a clear sign of social ineptness.

Here's the full text, and if you want to read more, check out Pavlina's page on Google+ and his blog, and also sign up (on the left side of his blog) for these newsletters, since he for some reason doesn't publish them on the blog.

Also check out his site, where he has many hundreds of free articles. His writing is very far from "wishful thinking" self-help, instead he's very direct, clear and cuts to the point quickly.




If You're Struggling Financially, Weak Social Skills May Be the Culprit

Often when people are struggling financially, they try to make improvements that never quite work out. One reason is that they're working on symptoms while overlooking the real core issues. If I may be direct, much of the time the main reason people struggle in this part of life is because they have very weak social skills. They may think that limiting beliefs about money, or perhaps a lack of self-discipline, are holding them back, but even people with very abundant lives have limiting financial beliefs and self-discipline challenges.

The real problem isn't your financial skills or your beliefs about money. More often than not, the problem is that you're trying to make money in ways that could be described as socially inept.

People who are socially inept don't understand that money is a social tool. Money is communication. Instead they treat money as an object, as something to collect and acquire. But by using money in this way, they don't realize they're actually trying to use people. And trying to use people is a socially inept way of communicating. People generally don't like to be used as tools, so money doesn't easily flow to socially inept people who attempt to relate to others in this manner. If you're trying to get more money, you're behaving in a socially creepy manner, and so you're going to meet a lot of resistance and will most like meet with failure and frustration.

If you're having some difficulty improving your level of financial abundance, let me share a perspective with you that I think will help. This will be a very down to earth perspective -- no need to invoke the Law of Attraction or use terms like "vibrational match" here.

What Is Money?

We know that money is a medium for exchanging value. But what does that mean?

Let's set aside all conspiracy theories for the moment and focus on the practical reality of what money does for us in our daily lives. Money is used for trade. When we use money, we're trading one kind of value for another kind of value.

Using money amounts to trading goods and services, like trading apples for salt, or shoes for a massage.

Now who participates in these trades?

People. Human beings.

Money may seem more abstract than hard goods and services, so it's understandable that people get confused about how to earn it, but imagine what your financial life would be like if there was no money. What would it mean to talk about financial abundance in the absence of money?

Without money in your life, you'd basically have two options for creating abundance. The first option would be to produce everything you desire for yourself. You'd have to grow your own food. You'd have to self-educate. You'd have to design and build your own shelter, harvest all the resources for it, and invent and build your own tools from scratch. You couldn't use anything like a computer or the Internet unless you invented and developed all your own technology, including building your own communication networks. If you wanted to participate in modern society to any meaningful degree, we can safely rule out the go-it-alone approach.

Your second option for creating abundance would be to engage in trades with other people. There are two aspects to this. First, you need to have something to trade. Second, you need to conduct trades, which are social interactions.

So if you go the trading route (which is the only practical choice for most people), there are two fundamental skill sets that will determine your ability to create and enjoy financial abundance:

1. Your skill at creating value such that others are willing to trade for it. 2. Your skill at executing trades with others.

Both of these are social skills. Let's explore this more deeply...

Creating Value

It's common to think about creating value for others in terms of your mental and physical abilities, including your technical and artistic skills. Can you write software, create music, fix plumbing problems, or mop floors?

But how do you learn these skills in the first place? From your parents. From schools and teachers. From books. From the Internet. And probably from many other sources. Ultimately, however, you learned your skills from people. You wouldn't even have the most basic skills of reading, writing, and speaking if not for other people.

Yes, you can also learn through direct experimentation, but I'm sure you'll agree that most of what you've learned so far ultimately came from human beings. People created those resources and chose to share them with you. If not for the help of others, you'd pretty much be an idiot, at least by the standards of our modern society.

Now think about what an upgrade in your social skills could do for you here. If you were even more skilled socially, you'd be able to gain access to more and better educational and training resources.

Despite the massive amount of content on the Internet, a lot of knowledge is still fairly private, including some of the most current info that hasn't yet trickled down to the Internet. The only way to learn certain information is through people. Additionally, some skills are just much easier to learn directly from people than through free resources.

What determines your ability to gain access to the best proprietary info? You can buy it, but in the absence of money, your access will largely be determined by the strength of your social network, which in turn is largely determined by your social skills.

So the better your social networking skills, the more opportunities you have for skill building.

Additionally, how do you learn the relative social value of different skills? How do you learn which skills have high trading value (like performing heart surgery) vs. low trading value (like mopping floors)? You learn this from other people too. Do you have a social network that encourages you to learn and develop skills with high trading value? Or do you have a social network that lets you settle for skills with low trading value? If you have the latter type of social network, why haven't you consciously created the former?

If you aren't able to create much value for others (i.e. high trading value), that will surely depress your income. If this is a problem you're currently experiencing, it means your social network isn't doing a very good job of training you to deliver strong value. And if your social network isn't training you properly, then we have to take a serious look at your social skills, don't we? After all, you're the one who's maintaining your social network. If you wanted to change it badly enough and had the skills to do so, you could certainly do that. Lots of people do.

Some people are just lucky. They're born into amazing social networks that prepare them for lives of abundance. Others have to work at it. Either way, your social network is your responsibility. If it isn't serving you, why not change it?

One again, if your finances are lagging and you'd rather not experience that reality, it means your social network isn't doing its job, which means your social skills are lagging, which means you're not doing your job socially. Financial failure and social failure are the same thing.

Trading With Others

Now let's look at the second aspect of creating abundance. Once you have some value to offer, you can engage in intelligent trades with other people to fulfill the desires that you can't or won't fulfill on your own.

What makes for a successful trade? In the long run, this is also determined by your social network and your social skills. Opportunities for trade will come from other people, largely through your social network. If your social networking isn't bringing you abundance-producing, win-win trades on a regular basis, then again, your social network isn't doing its job. And if your social networking isn't doing it's job, why not? That would imply that you aren't doing a good job of creating and maintaining an empowering network, which in turn points to social skills that are lagging.

My intent isn't to beat you down here. My intent is to help you target the right strategy for growth if you've been struggling to create financial abundance. Some people don't see much improvement even after years of working to improve their finances, and that's largely because they never address the underlying social problems that give rise to scarcity. I think you'll experience a lot more growth if you reinterpret your financial problems as social problems. At the very least, it will give you a new avenue to explore.

How Strong Social Skills Can Create Financial Abundance

So how does abundance result from strong social skills?

Let's revisit our two aspects of trading:

1. Your skill at creating value such that others are willing to trade for it. 2. Your skill at executing trades with others.

Imagine a person who has amazing social skills. What would that look like, and how would it affect the two trade-related skills above?

First, this person would have more educational and skill-building resources than most people. Great social skills can be used to build and maintain an empowering network of intelligent and resourceful friends and contacts. If this person ever wanted help learning anything, there would always be someone to turn to, someone to suggest and offer quality resources.

As great as Google is, there are some questions that are best answered by human beings. Moreover, a human network can provide abundant emotional support, encouragement, and accountability. Google doesn't care if you procrastinate. Good friends, however, do care.

This socially skilled person would also have a better sense of other people's needs. Better social skills means better empathy and listening skills. So s/he would have an easier time figuring out what to do to create strong value for others, value that people would gladly trade for. The socially inept person, by contrast, would be more likely to create something that nobody wanted, which can be very discouraging.

Next, this highly social person could cultivate a social network that delivers a continuous flow of choice opportunities for quality trades. If this person wanted a job, it could be found through his/her social network. If this person wanted to start a business or offer a new product or service, his/her social network would provide plenty of assistance to make that a reality, including abundant referrals of new clients and customers. Suffice it to say that this person would have a serious advantage.

Our socially inept counterpart, however, would suffer major disadvantages across the board. S/he wouldn't be in the best position for attracting educational and skill-building opportunities, and s/he would also miss out on the choicest trading opportunities. Long-term financial scarcity would be the most likely outcome.

My Social and Financial Expansion

When I look back over the past 20+ years of my life, I see a major correlation between my social skills and my experience of financial abundance. During those times when I was the most solo-minded in my thinking, my finances lagged. But when I put some serious effort into social skill-building and expansion, my financial life improved markedly shortly thereafter.

For example, when I decided to become active in the Association of Shareware Professionals in 1999, I went from earning about $300 per month from my computer game sales to more than 10x that within a matter of months. I can directly attribute the improvement in my finances to the education and opportunities that came to me through my expanding social network.

Until I made that commitment to reach out socially in my industry, hardly anyone knew that I existed. I was never invited to speak at conferences. I had no chance of winning awards and getting free publicity for my products. I never had friends emailing me advice and suggestions and sharing resources.

Both in my own life and in the lives of others, I've seen ample evidence to convince me that financial abundance is largely a result of strong social skills and the intelligent application of those skills. Specifically, this includes the following:

1. Your ability to proactively befriend intelligent, resourceful people and add them to your social network. 2. Your ability to inspire people to refer helpful opportunities to you (resources, leads, clients, etc). 3. Your ability to serve as a positive source of inspiration and opportunities for others (maintaining win-win connections). 4. Your ability to prune and release dead-weight relationships (avoiding win-lose and lose-lose connections).

To be very direct once again, people who suffer financially generally make the following social mistakes:

1. They often behave as loners and spend a lot of time alone or with the same few people (social isolationists). 2. The frequently suffer from approach anxiety and low self-esteem, which discourages them from initiating new connections and creating social expansion (social timidity). 3. They clutter their social lives with losers who have little to offer in terms of support, resources, and skill-building (low standards). 4. When they do meet intelligent and resourceful people, they act passively and fail to establish new friendships (lack of intitiative). 5. They remain loyal to a pity posse that consistently blocks good referrals with fear, jealousy, or sarcasm (clinginess).

I know this sound harsh, but pause for a moment to see if any of this resonates with you.

The Good News

The good news is that if you're currently suffering from financial lack, and if you can see and admit that it just might have something to do with your lagging social skills, there's hope for you yet. :)

It will take time to upgrade your social skills and to overcome related fears and limiting beliefs, but this is a rewarding journey to undertake. If I can go from a shy child who used to play alone in the sandbox to a man who thinks of 3-day public workshops as a form of play... and from debt/bankruptcy to seeing money show up whenever I need it... then why not you?

I can't offer you an overnight fix here (and beware of anyone who promises such silliness), but I do think it will help you to focus on a social upgrade as the key to financial abundance. You can start by browsing my blog's archives and reading some articles on social skills, but this time read those articles with a fresh perspective. How could a social skills upgrade impact your experience of financial abundance?

And if you'd like more help along these lines, please consider attending our February Conscious Relationships Workshop. Although financial abundance isn't the main focus, it's very likely that you'll learn new ideas, tools, skills, and perspectives at this workshop that will help you improve your finances.

As a final thought... the key for me in creating this change was to admit to myself that being a social isolationist wasn't working. So maybe... just maybe... I should try doing the opposite for a while. I was already going bankrupt at the time I made this decision, so I figured I had nothing to lose by changing things up. It seemed worse to perpetuate the patterns I had while sinking into debt, so "do the opposite" seemed like a valid strategy. It took a while to feel comfortable with a more active and varied social life than I was used to, but it worked -- faster than I expected. In fact, on the Myers-Briggs test, I actually flipped from an INTJ to an ENTJ during that time, meaning that I switched from an introvert to an extrovert, at least according that that particular personality test.

In the meantime, after sending this newsletter I'm going to fully enjoy some socially abundant time in Hawaii this week with 130 friends. As I sit on my balcony overlooking the ocean, it's a sunny 79 degrees with a light cool breeze blowing through the palm trees. Lately I've been noticing how much I'm enjoying my life -- and how different things are today vs. how they were many years ago when everything seemed like a struggle. A key turning point was when I decided to step outside my socially comfortable cocoon of familiarity and to become a more active participant in the world. I started small, first by becoming more involved in an industry trade group, then in a larger subset of my industry, then by writing articles for lots of people, and so on. But it all began with the admission that my comfort zone was becoming a cage, and that I had to abandon it in order to keep growing.

In the long run, growth is a lot more rewarding and fulfilling than comfort.

Ironic button, not really related to Pavlina's text.